So, um... Hi.
Its been a while...
How are you doing...
Good good im glad.
So... Some years have passed and certain events have happened and passed through the blind stumblings of my life.
People and friends have come and gone, mostly gone. Contact with the people and things I used to enjoy have faded into the past, become inactive or non existent.
The last time I posted on here it was a very different place and I was a very different person.
From what I remember I was a creative, talkative, enthusiastic person with a love of comedy and making other people laugh.
Now, I dont think that's true anymore, I've been blunted, torn down and frayed into someone who knows the restrictions of time and position of others.
After the shouting match with my mother about me coming out a completely different issue came up and I was disowned by her.
Some of you know the details, Im not going to go into it here.
Im not the type of person to let my negative emotions show.
It's not healthy but I keep it in and dampen the effects by drinking... A lot.
So thats what I did and sometimes still do. I lived in a flat that always had a steady influx of alcohol so I latched myself to it and coped with my situation.
From other peoples point of view losing my mother didn't bother me and thats how it stayed.
Then we lost the flat.
Then I moved into my boyfriends mothers house.
Then I became their maid...
I was grateful for the generosity of living in her house with her son, but it was a 3 storey building with 3 other very busy people living in it.
I payed what i could to legitimize my existence in that house but I wasn't used to that level of cleaning and I certainly am not a morning person.
I was expected to be awake in the morning at the latest 9am, water the garden, mop and vacuum the floors, tidy up any mess, clean all the dishes after every meal, do everyones laundry, clean all of the bathroom tiles to toilet and then attend a 15 course meal at the dinner table where i was then grilled over the days activities and had to present my search for a job that day.
I cracked a few times in that house...
I was eventually told to leave.
At the time my friend was living in a 1 room extension off of the side of another house.
A 5x5 square meter box.
A year previously at the flat, I had answered the door to him, all I needed to say was "oh dear". His girlfriend had an abortion which lead to a break up and then he went missing for 6 months. Fortunately for me I knew exactly where he was for those 6 months cos he was living in my arm chair. We eventually cleared the spare room and of course let him stay while he recovered.
He took me in.
The bed was an old sofa bed with a stuffed mattress that was lumpy and uncomfortable, it forced you to stay in a certain position to be able to sleep.
I very literally had nothing, other than a few belongings the only things keeping me alive and off the street where my friends
Probably more than I deserved... The drinking still had a certain necessity.
Despite the cramped, hot, uncomfortable living arrangements things started to look up.
I was with people I liked, my boyfriend eventually got a job which then led to me getting a job at the same place.
We moved out of that box into our individual flats and i worked solidly for almost 2 years.
In that time I changed, work teaches you that you are wrong and the manager is right.
Keep your opinions to yourself, if they are required they will be asked for.
So I keep quiet now, I talk only when I need to, I do the task I have been appointed to do whether I want to or not.
I am a happy little robot... and I am not broken.